Babygirl is 20!

That's right..I turned 20 on the 6th..no not 6th april,6th May..and u call urself my friend,hiss!..anyways it was one sexy day..I got flowers and chocolates from my dad,who by the way is a million miles away from me..bless him!..I had dinner in Al fayrooz, the food was lovely I had to go back days after my birthday to eat some more..there was Icecream cake *drools* and umm...what else? gifts,yea gifts. Thank u my loves,I lovers u!..n thnx to everyone who bothered to send me a birthday message/wish on facebook, sms me, or call me,and a kiss to those who came to my dinner. For those who wanted to come buh cudnt..dont worry..everyday is my birthday, because I am a new person everyday. So holler at me when u ready and we'll celebrate all over again,its allowed,dont be giving me that weird look jare!..I still dont feel 20 tho..not sure how 20 feels..so ima let u noe when I start to notice any changes. I was about to say(type) something..but I suffer from CRS(can't remember sh*t)..so u'll have to wait for me to remember.

I is Back..

..from the land of laziness and umm..way too many assignments? oui!

"Opinions are like a**holes, everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks"..I am about to give my opinion on an issue,if you dont like it,it's ur problem,I dont give a rat's a**..

..Nigerians and their languages .. I have been trying to understand for long why Nigerians don't like to speak their language,or why they feel ashamed of speaking their own mother tongue,I find it sad.I noe the official language in Nigeria is English..but what happened to speaking ur own mother tongue at home or in unofficial places? eh.. I understand that there're people who can't speak their mother tongue cuz their parents didn't teach them, and there're other people who can speak their language,but are ashamed(especially the hausas,yes feel free to shoot me dead). And then, there are those that can speak their mother tongues but just can't be bothered, whateva category u fall in, give urself a pat on the back,but do not criticize me for being different! 

     Do not call me local or malo just cuz I choose to say something in my OWN language instead of English! Dont look down on me just cuz I choose to speak it!Do not roll ur eyes at me just cuz I refuse to roll my tongue like the Americans or British. Do not shake ur head and act like I'm pathetic just cuz I'm not like u! I love my mother tongue, not cuz I grew up speaking it at home, but cuz Hausa is WHO I AM. I dont have anything against English, I just dont understand why Nigerians are ashamed of speaking their mother tongues but feel on top of the world when speaking English. I don't see the Italians trying to look good with Arabic, and I dont see the point of you a Nigerian trying to look cool with other languages but your mother tongue..where is ur pride? seriously!..

     Anyways I'm done with u, it's a free world right? everyone is allowed to speak their choice of language, and every parent is allowed to say "hey,i cannot be bothered teaching my kids their mother tongue,let them speak english",but I am also allowed to speak my hot and sexy hausa.And I choose to speak it,and guess what? there's nothing you can do about it.Call me a retard for reading hausa books and listening to Saadu Bori,I'll look for a name for u for feeling big with English novels and obsessing about 50cent and the likes of him. I'm not perfect in speaking Hausa but I'm still proud of it being my language,if you have a problem with that,fix it! If you cannot stand it when I say something in Hausa and it sounds local to ur ears,then sit the f**k down! 

     May God bless the next person who'll have the balls to tell me I am malo or local for speaking hausa, I'll unload my anger and explode on u,and trust me,you dont wanna see that happen..so lets do it this way,you choose to look good with whateva language it is, and I feel special and sexy with my hausa. Otherwise?..tuh ni dai na fada nawa! 

P.S- No offense to anyone and no fingers pointed at anyone :)

Accent: I'm not sure,I have too many!

Booze: None

Chores I Hate: Anything to do with the kitchen

Dogs/Cats: None,I'm phobic to animals

Essential Electronics: My Camera

Favourite Perfume: Christina Aguilera(at the moment)

Gold/Silver: White Gold 

Hometown: Kt

Insomnia: Been awake all night,it's 11am,and I'm ready to go out,insomnia much?

Job title: Eating junk food and spending my father's money,oh and getting an education.Did I forget to mention falling in love?

Kids: Got none,hope to have some

Living arrangements: I'll answer this question in 5 years

Most admired trait: Purrrsonality..(I'm insane,its lack of sleep,i apologize)

Overnight hospital stays:Plenty Plenty times.I lost count

Phobia: Animals & pain

Quote: "U neva miss ur water till ur well runs dry"

Religion: Islam

Siblings: About 8 of them

Time I usually awake: Wheneva my royal self feels like

Unusual talent: To love

Vegetable I refuse to eat: All of them

Worst habit: RLS

X-rays: Are kinda fun to look at,I'm weird,deal wit it!

Yummy foods I make: If it's junk,then it's yummy

Zodiac sign: Taurus

A Broken Heart

Samush: My heart is broken *sniff*

Anonymous: Don't tell me he dumped you

"Heartbreak"-I am yet to figure out why people think this phrase can only and should only be related to disappointments and betrayals from relationships.Maybe it's because today when our loved ones hurt us,mostly partners,the only phrase we can think of that will clearly define how much we hurt inside is "my heart is broken".Well I refuse to join the crowd.I believe the only way my partner can break my heart is to rip my chest open,take out my heart,shred it into pieces and close me up.Only then,will I have a broken heart from a relationship.All you people who whine about how bad that person broke your heart,puh-lease give me a break! I'm sure if we goto a doctor right now he'll consider your "broken heart" fit enough to run a million miles. *No offense*

..So onto why I chose this topic,and why I'm blabbing about hearts breaking.I'm here to tell you that my heart is broken.Yes,after all the rantings and criticism about heartbreaks,turns out my own heart is in pieces,bits,shreds,call it whatever!Before you start rolling your eyes and concluding I've gone nuts,let me explain.It's not a guy,it's not a relationship,it's not love,it's LIFE!..

I'm gonna go ahead and change the topic of this post from "A broken heart" to "Memories you can't ditch".Life,I can't explain what life is,but one thing I know for sure is that life is beautiful.Like a white rose,so pure and innocent.Life is also two-faced,because just when you're not looking,it turns around and bitchslaps you so hard you forget what that beautiful,pure and innocent white rose looks like.In life,there are good moments,love,laughter,peace and chocolates!..and then there is hurt,hatred,war,and sickness.The list goes on for both the good and bad sides of life.And at one point in our lives,we must experience a bit of both sides.We experience the good side of life,get too comfortable to the extent that we forget,or don't know what the other side feels like.And then,WHAM!!..Out of nowhere,we get slapped so hard we fall to our knees.This is where we start to wonder,"que la fuck?!?".

Going through hardships is part of life,we experience alot,we learn,we grow up,we mature,we get stronger and wiser.And after we succeed in crossing the damn bridge,we have to deal with the memories we're left with.

..This is where the problem lies.Just when we think we've got it all,we realize there's still work to do.Isn't that annoying?Picture fixing a pipe,and just when you are done fixing the pipe,you find out that something just ain't right,then you proceed to look for where the hole is,so that you can fix everything back together.We go through terrible things,and then we have to deal with the memories,and that's not so easy,especially for people like your homegirl Samush!..

I have so many bad and hurting memories that I don't even know where or how to start dealing with them.I'm not even sure whether or not to deal with them.So I ignore them,and pretend they don't exist.I remind myself that there're people out there who have gone through worse situations than I have,and they're doing well.So why can't I do the same?.Instead of dealing with my memories,I just ignore them,wear my stunnaz,and daydream of beautiful things.I bottle up everything inside,not stopping to let some of the pain out to ease the burden on my chest.I forget my heart is broken,I forget I'm hurting.I don't even pay attention to what I'm feeling because I'm too busy listening to other people's problems.I cannot sit and deal with my own issues because I can wait,because right now,someone needs me.The memories stay with me,hurting me,breaking my heart,causing me pain,but I don't open up.

I don't know how to open up,I don't know how to pour out what's in my heart.I don't know how to describe the images from the memories.I don't know how to depict the pain and the tears and the helplessness.I don't know who'll understand my pain.I don't know who'll help me deal with my memories.So I just dont bother,instead of dealing with my own memories,and fixing my broken heart,I stand as a shoulder to others.I give words of encouragement,and help them to turn that frown into a smile,and like always,I ignore my own self,the disturbing memories,the broken heart,and pretend like it's just not there!..and then I ask myself,"Oh samush,why can't you help your own self?".

..It would have been great if we could ditch our memories,too bad we'll only be kidding ourselves.It's like they are here to stay with us,and no matter how hard we try,we can't get rid of them.We either deal with them,or ignore them,like me.The puzzling part is,those memories are what reminds us of what we've been through,how far we've come,what we've become,and what we need to become.Without those memories,we'd be lost,and probably empty like a winter without snow.In as much as these memories are guides to us,they're also mean and hurt like hell,and if We(I) can't find a way to deal with them and open up,then may God help our broken hearts and painful memories.

*Inspiration from-Dawn(Danity Kane)

*Motivation from-Boobie

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.00a.m                                                                                                                             

2. Diamonds or pearls? A bit of both

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Rambo

4. What is your favorite TV show? At the moment,its Making the Band 4

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? What is "breakfast"? :s

6. What is your middle name? Samush? hehe..No Haruna aint my middle name,its my father's name

7. What food do you dislike? Fruits & Veggies 

8. What is your favorite CD at moment? Confessions-Usher

9. What kind of car do you drive? Black Maybach

10. Favorite sandwich? The one with chicken,dunno wat its called,chicken sandwich? Oh well..

11. What characteristic do you despise? Bitchy and Conceited

12. Favorite item of clothing? Umm..I guess I'll say my blue jeans

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Wherever my friends or family are

14. Favorite brand of clothing? RL,H&M,Pimkie etc

15. Where would you retire to? Seychelles!

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 18th Icecream party

17. Favorite sport to watch? I don't watch sports

18. Furthest place you are sending this? Who said I was sending this?

19. Person you expect to send it back first? Didn't u hear what I just said? *hiss*

Wonder what happened to 20?  No cuz I ate number 20

21. When is your birthday? May 6th

22. Are you a morning person or a night person? You don't wanna c me in the morning,my face gets extra cheeks and I pout,dat being said,we can now conclude dat I'm a night person

23. What is your shoe size? EU 37/38

24. Pets? Puh-lease,I'm phobic to animals

25. One thing someone does not know about you? I can turn from a sweety to a mean person if u step on my toes

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A doctor

27. How are you today? Fine 

28. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate 

29. What is your favorite flower? Red & pink roses

30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 6th

32. What is your full name? Go figure

33. What are you listening to right now? Showtsoppin'-Danity kane

34. What was the last thing you ate?  Nuttin'

35. Do you wish on stars? No

36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Hott pink

37. How is the weather right now? Warm

38. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Baby

39. Favorite soft drink? Coke

40. Favorite restaurant? Lemon Grass(chinese) and Salon Grill

41. Hair color? Blaq

42. What was your favorite toy as a child? My story books

43. Summer or winter? How about spring?

44. Hugs or kisses?  Totally depends on the person giving them.

45. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate in general, vanilla in ice cream

46. Coffee or tea? Fruit tea

47. Do you want your friends to email you back? No,I prefer they facebook me,or IM me,or sms me,or call me

49. What is under your bed? You don't wanna noe

50. What did you do last night? Umm I slept

51. What are you afraid of? Pain

52. SALTY OR SWEET? Sweet

53. How many keys on your key ring? 3 - Main door,mailbox,apartment door

54. How many years at your current job? I dont work

55. Favorite day of the week? Friday 

56. How many towns have you lived in and list them? Umm..Jos,Lagos,Abuja,Jeddah,Graz,Tannheim,Vienna

57. Do you make friends easily? Yea,I'm shy tho

58. How many people will you send this to? I'm not sending

I don't noe what's pissing me off.The fact that:

1.I'm sick and feel crappy,

2.I've been so unserious with school lately and forgot to turn in some assignments,

3.I've been failing math,thankfully *A* is helping out,

4.I've been spending too much money on useless and unimportant stuff

..whatever is pissing me off is surely working,cuz I'm so pissed I don't even noe what to do..hiss!

..........................................................................................................................................................................

I can't wait for summer,I miss my siblings

Ummi-My sister-in-crime

Musty-The bug-a-boo and entertainer

Aisha-The girl who wants to be a woman..ASAP

Fatima a.k.a mama-The tomboy and mischeivious one

Kassim-The funny one who claims to be a G

Chouchou-The notorious babe in the house,daddy's darlyn and

Ruffy-Youngest and loveable by all 

If u're my sibling(same mother and father) and I didn't mention u,I apologize,find a place in ur heart,or soul,to forgive me.

Ya Bee-before u kill me,I didn't forget to mention u,thing is u're here at the moment and I'm not really missing u :D:D:D..Did I just hear u curse me? Thnx! love u too!

OK pple,It should be obvious by now that I'm bored,and hopeless.The pain killers are starting to work so I shall now sleep,and dream of umm..something hott!..I dont mean "hott" as in "eherm" o..all u pple with contaminated mind,Samush is still innocent!

Strength

"...I'm twisted cuz one side of me is telling me that I need to move on,on the other side,I wanna break down and cry"-Usher. ..We're humans,we go thru trials and tribulations in our lives.Sometimes the battles we fight in our lives are easy n short,othertimes we feel like WWII got nothin' on the battle we're fighting.If u've been thru this before,give urself a pat on the back for being a strong person. ..When I was young,I thot the meaning of being STRONG was how well I was able to beat up that kid in school,or my ability to bully my bro and make him cry.Growing up I realised being STRONG is being bitchslapped on your right cheek by life,and having the guts to turn in your left cheek for another slap! Being strong I've learned is fixing a smile on ur lips to make ur eyes sparkle,then kneeling before God to cry your heart out!Being strong I've realised is getting a hunchedback by life's burdens but still struggling to stand with a crutch! Being strong is being strong for soooo long that you wake up one day and realise you just need a break!..This is where you break down and cry.Not for what you don't have but what you wish you had.You cry because you don't want to have a reason to cry.You cry because it just feels soooo good and refreshing.After wiping away your tears guess what,you look at the mirror and all you can say is "I am strong,I'll be strong,I can do this".Then you fix that smile once again and keep going!