A Broken Heart

Samush: My heart is broken *sniff*

Anonymous: Don't tell me he dumped you

"Heartbreak"-I am yet to figure out why people think this phrase can only and should only be related to disappointments and betrayals from relationships.Maybe it's because today when our loved ones hurt us,mostly partners,the only phrase we can think of that will clearly define how much we hurt inside is "my heart is broken".Well I refuse to join the crowd.I believe the only way my partner can break my heart is to rip my chest open,take out my heart,shred it into pieces and close me up.Only then,will I have a broken heart from a relationship.All you people who whine about how bad that person broke your heart,puh-lease give me a break! I'm sure if we goto a doctor right now he'll consider your "broken heart" fit enough to run a million miles. *No offense*

..So onto why I chose this topic,and why I'm blabbing about hearts breaking.I'm here to tell you that my heart is broken.Yes,after all the rantings and criticism about heartbreaks,turns out my own heart is in pieces,bits,shreds,call it whatever!Before you start rolling your eyes and concluding I've gone nuts,let me explain.It's not a guy,it's not a relationship,it's not love,it's LIFE!..

I'm gonna go ahead and change the topic of this post from "A broken heart" to "Memories you can't ditch".Life,I can't explain what life is,but one thing I know for sure is that life is beautiful.Like a white rose,so pure and innocent.Life is also two-faced,because just when you're not looking,it turns around and bitchslaps you so hard you forget what that beautiful,pure and innocent white rose looks like.In life,there are good moments,love,laughter,peace and chocolates!..and then there is hurt,hatred,war,and sickness.The list goes on for both the good and bad sides of life.And at one point in our lives,we must experience a bit of both sides.We experience the good side of life,get too comfortable to the extent that we forget,or don't know what the other side feels like.And then,WHAM!!..Out of nowhere,we get slapped so hard we fall to our knees.This is where we start to wonder,"que la fuck?!?".

Going through hardships is part of life,we experience alot,we learn,we grow up,we mature,we get stronger and wiser.And after we succeed in crossing the damn bridge,we have to deal with the memories we're left with.

..This is where the problem lies.Just when we think we've got it all,we realize there's still work to do.Isn't that annoying?Picture fixing a pipe,and just when you are done fixing the pipe,you find out that something just ain't right,then you proceed to look for where the hole is,so that you can fix everything back together.We go through terrible things,and then we have to deal with the memories,and that's not so easy,especially for people like your homegirl Samush!..

I have so many bad and hurting memories that I don't even know where or how to start dealing with them.I'm not even sure whether or not to deal with them.So I ignore them,and pretend they don't exist.I remind myself that there're people out there who have gone through worse situations than I have,and they're doing well.So why can't I do the same?.Instead of dealing with my memories,I just ignore them,wear my stunnaz,and daydream of beautiful things.I bottle up everything inside,not stopping to let some of the pain out to ease the burden on my chest.I forget my heart is broken,I forget I'm hurting.I don't even pay attention to what I'm feeling because I'm too busy listening to other people's problems.I cannot sit and deal with my own issues because I can wait,because right now,someone needs me.The memories stay with me,hurting me,breaking my heart,causing me pain,but I don't open up.

I don't know how to open up,I don't know how to pour out what's in my heart.I don't know how to describe the images from the memories.I don't know how to depict the pain and the tears and the helplessness.I don't know who'll understand my pain.I don't know who'll help me deal with my memories.So I just dont bother,instead of dealing with my own memories,and fixing my broken heart,I stand as a shoulder to others.I give words of encouragement,and help them to turn that frown into a smile,and like always,I ignore my own self,the disturbing memories,the broken heart,and pretend like it's just not there!..and then I ask myself,"Oh samush,why can't you help your own self?".

..It would have been great if we could ditch our memories,too bad we'll only be kidding ourselves.It's like they are here to stay with us,and no matter how hard we try,we can't get rid of them.We either deal with them,or ignore them,like me.The puzzling part is,those memories are what reminds us of what we've been through,how far we've come,what we've become,and what we need to become.Without those memories,we'd be lost,and probably empty like a winter without snow.In as much as these memories are guides to us,they're also mean and hurt like hell,and if We(I) can't find a way to deal with them and open up,then may God help our broken hearts and painful memories.

*Inspiration from-Dawn(Danity Kane)

*Motivation from-Boobie