On friendship

Probably everyone I know has been on the friendship roller coaster where you get to a point in your life and you start to question everyone who’s in your life.I just came out of that phase,it wasn’t fun,I had a lot of thinking and analyzing to do,I also had to observe myself and the people I keep around me,but in the end it was worth it.I used to be online on Yahoo,MSN and Skype messengers 24/7,chatting like there was no tomorrow.All of it was fun,and I didn’t mind doing it even when people claimed I did it cause I had no life.It made me happy to sit and chat so I sat and chat.And then there was Facebook,again I was on that thing all day all night..I’ll update my status every hour like its my diary,change my profile picture 3 or 4 times in a day and lose sleep because I was on Facebook.Sometimes when I slept I’d wake up and hit F5 to refresh the homepage and see what’s new on FB and then go back to sleep.My addiction was that bad that my friends started calling me Lord Facebook and other names.But at some point I just had to quit it all.I had to quit sitting in front of the computer all day and night,chatting with people.I had to quit uploading pictures on Facebook or updating my status.I had to quit putting my life out there like that.I hate drama and I hate people being in my business so I had to stop feeding it to them even.A lot of the people I called friends had to be let go of because I had to start taking care of myself.

 

It wasn’t because I stopped loving them or because we were no longer friends.I needed time to think and figure things out.I needed to know if there was any such thing as a “best friend” or a “BFF”. I needed to know who had my back,who didn’t and who always will.I had to find out which of my friends will come looking for me when I walked away,and which of them will be like “screw her!” It’s almost impossible to have someone love or cherish you back the way you love and cherish them.Yes they’ll love you and do anything for you but the way you hold people in your heart isn’t necessarily going to be the same way the hold you in theirs.It took me a while to realize that fact. I also learnt that childhood friends sometimes have to be left in the past. Just because a friend had my back when we were young doesn’t mean they would do the same for me again tomorrow.Things change,people change.Nothing really stays the same.I had to stop trying to fix every friendship that started ages ago.I get jealous when I see really close friends that go way back,it’s nice to have friends that have been with you for years and everything is still going strong,but I didn’t think it was wise to keep fighting for something or someone that wasn’t worth it just because I want one of those friendships where I can say “we go way back” and smile. A friend might be there for you today but let you down tomorrow. I had to learn to always remember the good times and the times when they were there for me and leave it at that. Trying to decide who was the best friend or the BFF was just too much work and exhausting.I realized everyone was going to hurt me or let me down at some point,I just had to figure out what to accept and forgive and eliminate the rest.

I had to stop fighting for people that wouldn’t fight for me.And I had to figure out who and who was worth fighting for.At a point I kind of ditched and let go of everyone,including those I loved and didn’t want to lose.That was my way of figuring out if they would really follow me or let me go.

The drama ones had to be totally cut off..as well as the negative ones.Why do we have to sit and gossip about other people anyway? Who cares what designer handbag she’s wearing or what girl he’s dating? Why did the discussion always have to be about other people and what they were up to.Why not about us? About our dreams,our future,our plans and whatever it was that kept us going? It was time to grow up and move on and I couldn’t let anyone hold me back,no matter how much I loved them. If you bring drama and stress into my life I’ll show you the way out cause I’m so over that.It was entertaining when we were younger but not anymore.

So next time you want to ask me why I walked away,know that you didn’t give me any reason to stay.Like I said,I only fight for those who’re willing to fight for me.

Amina-Girl with the beautiful voice

I have a friend called Amina Abdul-Hamid and she’s a real sweety.I’m not saying this because she’s my friend,I’m saying it cause it’s true.She’s outspoken,honest,down-to-earth and fun! She’s someone I’m glad to have in my life and glad to call a friend.Someone I can always count on to lift me up when I’m done.Oh and we share the same passion in Belgian Waffles,Häagen dasz and anything yummy :)

Amina is a also a singer and song writer.Its one mad talent she has.I try to remind her how great she is and how I think she’s an awesome singer.You gotta watch her clips to know what I’m talking about.I know lots of people,including myself who claim they can sing..Hehe..Sure we can all sing,in the bathroom though.But it takes talent to be able to hold a note or sing acapella.

Visit her Youtube page and listen to more of her http://www.youtube.com/user/minoxus

Visit her blog at http://meenahdee.blogspot.com

HAPPY New Year

The first time I was ever happy in my life was in 2009.I still don't know what it was that made me happy inside but I knew I was happy.The feelings of sadness,depression and loneliness were replaced with hope,happiness and a positive attitude.All of a sudden I didn't feel the need to go shopping every week just to smile.I went to the mall to hang out and other stuff but didn't get anything for myself.I even went to buy a few things for my loved ones but surprisingly I got nada for me.The old Samush would NEVER do that. I'm happy that I'm happy and I hope I continue to be happy because I know I deserve to be happy.Ok too many "happy" in this sentence but you understand what I mean right? With everything I've been through I just want to be able to smile because I want to smile not because I'm trying to hide the pain in my eyes and the hurt in my chest.I want to go shopping because I need something from the shop not because I depend on shopping to make me happy.

Last night,New Years Eve was overwhelming for me.I was going through so many emotions I didn't know what to do.First I was happy and excited about the new year,then I was upset and I still don't know why I was.Maybe it's because the year I found happiness in was ending and I didn't know what the new year will be like.Maybe I'm scared the happiness I found will slip through my fingers and I'll go back to how I used to be.I always look happy,but the problem is I'm not always happy,I'm always struggling inside and I have battles to fight that are way beyond my maturity level.

Regardless of how I feel or what I think about this new year and the future,I'll try to continue to be happy,stay positive,smile and hope/pray that this year will be good or even better than the last one.

Now I know what the "happy" in happy new year stands for.We all want to be happy,and it sucks to not be happy,it sucks even more to be happy but be scared that everything might change in the split of a second.I'm not letting this happiness go,I deserve it! X

P.S: 2010-Are we calling it two thousand and ten or twenty-ten? :S

Holidays

Happy holidays everyone! Hope you all had a great Christmas celebration! I got presents by my awesome friends *woot..and I had dinner with a friend's family on Christmas day.Then went clubbing afterwards,I made sure to tone the dancing down a lil bit because I didn't wanna cry from broken ribs and fractured angles from dancing.Well that's how it feels when I have too much fun at the club..

So I guess everyone has heard about the Nigerian who tried to bomb a plane huh? I've said so much about the situation that I don't even have the words to comment anymore. My only hope is that God will continue to guide and protect the innocent people from all the craziness happening around..Also,Rest In Peace Maryam Babangida,I pray you're in a better place.

I'm so ready for the year to be over..too many sad news and crazy stuff happening,I can't deal anymore..I can't even watch the news anymore..It just hurts.

May next year be better,I say that will ALL my heart,amen!

Happy holidays again and Happy new year! X

Recap

Hi everyone..

 

..Hope ya’ll had a nice thanksgiving.I’m so mad I don’t live in the States where thanksgiving has its own holiday set aside,not forgetting the yummy turkeys and other sexy food..Ahh well..at least I got to attend a thanksgiving dinner at a friend’s crib and it was good and fun.I had to unbuckle my belt at the end of the meal and I also had to try hard not to cough or laugh out loud..Yeah I was that full! Most important part of the evening was silently listing things I’m thankful for..but I’m gonna go ahead and list them here. I’m thankful for my life,my health,my family,love in my life,my friends,hope,strength,food,a home,talents and abilities,and everything that God has blessed me with. I hope we’ll continue to have things to be thankful for :)

 

I’m still blown away by the fact that it’s December already..It feels like it was just yesterday when I was out celebrating at New Year’s Eve. I had a good year though,and I’m so ready for it to be over so I can have more good years.This year was less stressful for me.I was hopeless and lost last year but this year I found a way.This year I took a long overdue vacation and had the time of my life.I turned 21 and had an awesome birthday..Lionel Richie held a concert on my birthday,remember? I’m now his biggest fan for blessing my day :) My treatments worked out this year and I recovered better than expected.I’m finally freed from the people that bring drama into my life and I’m happier..I’m just doing me and not bothered by what others do. I have someone new in my life who makes me want to be a better person,which is funny because no one has ever had that effect on me.Blessed to have you in my life boo :)

 

..Even though 2009 has been a great year,I’m so done with it and ready to move on to 2010..I’ll take with me the beautiful memories I have from this year and keep going strong.I hope everyone is looking forward to 2010 as well..and I hope it brings luck and blessings to us all..

 

..So here are a few pictures of Christmas lights/decos I took all around town.There’s something about these decorations that make me happy..I love beautiful bright things and Christmas makes that happen. Enjoy the pictures while I go off to plan the rest of my year and make plans for New Year’s Eve..Can’t wait!

 

XO

 

 

 

I miss home *Sniff*

Today,I attended a Ghanaian cultural event with my friend Yvie.Like most African events,it started later than scheduled.Trust us beautiful Africans with our “African Time" ..I think it’s just an excuse to be late,someone has to break that curse. Anyhoo people started filing up and in less than an hour the lounge was filled up with guests wearing colorful traditional clothing. The MC welcomed and thanked everyone for coming but my mind wasn’t on what she was saying.I was looking around,searching for food cuz yours truly was starving.After learning that there was food somewhere I exhaled and relaxed to enjoy the evening.There was a Choir group singing different Choir songs in the different languages that are spoken in Ghana.Most of the songs made me want to stand up and dance,I loved the beats..amen to good ol traditional drums,only those will make you want to stand up and shake,totally forgetting the fact that you’re hungry.The Choir group also sang a song in Hausa,I knew a part of Ghana spoke hausa but I wasn’t sure which part it was.Apparently it’s the North.I was grinning from ear to ear when I heard them sing in my language.Some people also acted a drama which was hilarious and entertaining.Then traditional dances did their thing,I still wonder how that girl was able to bend,twist,whine and drop her waist all before I could blink my eye.Such talent! The dance routine also reminded me of the Igbo traditional dance.Fast forward to the food part..I wanted to eat a lot because let’s face it,who doesn’t like home made traditional meals? But after finding out that there was meat pie,I ignored the whole food and settled for my long lost love,meat pie. It’s like one of my favorite snack.I once attempted to make it,don’t ask how that ended.All in all the whole evening was short but entertaining.I loved how everyone,young and old came together to have fun,unwind and celebrate home.The food,clothes,music and performances made me smile and at the same time I almost cried.Damn,I miss home!

 

Here’s what I wore

 

 

The top that came with the skirt was too small for me to fit into it so I wore a random cream top and then tied the scarf to look like a belt and added a sweater to go with. *Hehe

I love you

My new blogger template may or may have not inspired this post but who cares? :)

I love you My creator for making me a beautiful,strong and wise woman

I love you My family for always having my back

I love you My friends who making every situation a little bit better and brighter

I love you My readers for encouraging me to keep on blogging

I love you My life,for being such a roller coaster ride

Ily